Just call me Claire Underwood

I’m officially the US Ambassador to the UN.

Eric keeps trying to tell me that’s not quite an accurate description, but I think the problem is just that his Spanish is not quite up to par.  I am Claire Underwood (only the kind who can’t be fired by her husband), and that’s all there is to it.  Allow me to explain.

You may remember in this post long ago, I explained that I would be working for the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC) Regional Office for Central America and the Caribbean in Panama (ROPAN) in their Criminal Justice and Crime Prevention Group on the Criminal Justice and Prison Reform team.  That sorta fell apart when they found out that I was still contracting with my firm in Raleigh because they don’t allow interns to have other jobs as well.  So I was told to wait until I got here, then to get in touch with the head of the Criminal Justice and Prison Reform team again, we’ll call her Paola, to see if we could work out a consulting gig on the side.

On Friday, after a year and a half of emailing with Paola, skyping with her, filling out their application and being denied because of my work with NCPLS, getting sick for a month and not being able to work, then not having time to work because of all the Spanish lessons, I finally met her in person at her office.  She actually exists, actually works for the UN, and actually wants me to work with them.  I’m completely amazed.

The woman spoke rapid-fire Spanish, and I did my best to keep up, take notes, respond with the appropriate facial expressions, and explain what I could offer to her due to my 4+ years of working with prisoners in the US.  She gave me several options of projects to work on and free reign to choose where I felt my experience would be best used.  I asked if I could visit a prison at some point, and she told me there would definitely be opportunities for that.  I’m thrilled.  Don’t worry, Mom.  I’ll let you know after I’m back rather than before I go so you won’t have time to lose sleep over it.  🙂

At this point, I’m reading up on the extensive Federal law they have that governs the prison system – something we don’t have in the US – as well as their diagnostic reports on the state of the prisons in Panamá.  One of the suggestions Paola had as a project for me was to write a handbook for inmates to let them know how to expect.  I think this would be a terrifically useful tool, judging from how much my own clients constantly crave information in whatever form they can get it, I have no idea how to do it in a way that would be both helpful to the prisoners (i.e., conditions are really terrible and there’s a lot of corruption) and something that the authorities would allow us to distribute.  I have a lot of learning to do.  This is a big part of the reason that I’m anxious to get into a prison to see what it’s really like.  I also have no idea what the climate is like between the prisons and the UN, so I don’t know how far we can push things.

At this point, it’s all very exciting.

Aside from that, just a few things to report.  Poor Eric had a fever and was in bed for a few days last week, starting on Wednesday, I believe.  He never gets sick, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this bad.  He was a pretty sad guy for a while there.  Luckily his fever broke after about 2.5 days, and he slowly got back to normal.

On Sunday, we went to my friend Auri’s house for homemade arepas.  (Dustin, I’m sorry to have to explain how amazing they were.  Better than Guasaca.)  Auri is from Venezuela, and we have at least two other Venezuelans in the capoeira group.  She made a ton of food and we all ate until we couldn’t move.  It was amazing.

Mono, Auri, Lourdes, George

Mono, Auri, Lourdes, George

I think Eric was having one of his "y'all are talking way too fast for me to get any of this" moments.  Happens to me all the time in this group.

I think Eric was having one of his “y’all are talking way too fast for me to get any of this” moments. Happens to me all the time in this group.

Auri, our chef for the day, is on the left in black and white.

Auri, our chef for the day, is on the left in black and white.

Mono, Lourdes, George.  This group has NEVER been so quiet as when we started eating the arepas.

Mono, Lourdes, George. This group has NEVER been so quiet as when we started eating the arepas.

On his third arepa...

On his third arepa…

Lourdes stole the ham right off George's arepa when he wasn't looking.

Lourdes stole the ham right off George’s arepa when he wasn’t looking.

I just love these folks.

I just love these folks.

No one wanted to move after eating all that food!

No one wanted to move after eating all that food!

Also, a belated Mother’s Day to all the moms out there, especially to my Mom and to my sister.  I was sad I couldn’t be there to celebrate with them, especially because this was the day that my niece learned what brunch is and how incredible an eating event it can be with my family.  Luckily, Mother’s Day in Panamá isn’t until December 8th, so we’ll just have to celebrate again!

Addie’s here!!!

Addie flew in from Atlanta last night, and she got to be the first one off the plane!

My parents, and my Dad in particular, have been working tirelessly to get together all the paperwork necessary to get our sweet girl down here to us.  Beth, our friend and vet who I’ve referenced several times in the blog, was also key in helping us to understand the process.  One of the more stressful parts was that everything had to happen within 10 days of her flying down, so there was little room for error.

Addie’s vet records had to be sent from two different vet offices in Raleigh to a vet in Asheville. My dad then took her to the Asheville vet so that vet could fill out this official USDA form saying she was healthy enough to fly.  That form was overnighted to NY to the USDA headquarters or whatever for their approval.  It was overnighted back to my dad.  Dad and I then wrote up an affidavit for him to sign and have notarized.  He then drove to Raleigh after spending some time on the phone with the Secretary of State’s office to be sure of exactly what paper’s needed to be notarized and what needed to be apostilled (I had never heard of it either – basically internationally accepted notarizing).   His new BFF at that office had the health form apostilled quickly, so he drove back to Asheville that same day.

After all of that, he still had to get the right size crate that was flight approved, buy flight approved hardware for it, make sure the appropriate bedding was in it, tape all of her stuff to the top of it, write all of our info on it with a Sharpie, then, b/c he loves her and us, he drove all the way to Atlanta so she could have a direct flight!!!  He had to get her there about 5 hours early just because that’s what Delta insists upon, and the poor dog wasn’t allowed to get out of her crate during that whole time even though Dad offered to stay and walk her before she boarded the plane.  This is her in the Delta cargo area.  She looks happy enough!  They let her keep her favorite raccoon toy with her (they put it in the crate after the photo)!

 

In the crate in Delta Cargo at the Atlanta airport

In the crate in Delta Cargo at the Atlanta airport

Phew!  So on our end, we had to turn in a form at least three days prior to her arrival asking for home quarantine.  We also had to figure out how we were going to manage to get to the right part of the airport between 9:10 pm (her arrival time) and 11 pm (closing time) so we could bring her home last night.  The best way I know how to do anything that involves the government or any kind of red tape is to call our friend Jorge.  He knows everyone, he’s charming, and he knows how to get things done.

Of course Jorge just happened to know a woman who I understood to be someone who worked in the customs department at the airport.  I imagined a younger woman who just happened to be the one at the counter where we would need to go.  Jorge also has a neighbor with a big van that Addie’s crate would fit into.  Great.  Ready to go.

When we got there, Jorge told me that this contact of his actually works with Presidents and diplomats that visit Panama.  She’s kind of a big deal.  She’s around 60 or so and was pretty intimidating.  While Eric waited with Jorge and his friend, she ushered me past security and to a window where I (nervously) exchanged my passport for some kind of security clearance.  All the while, she was yelling at people to get things done and read the emails she just sent them and generally being completely in charge of everything.  I was just doing my best to understand her accent.

She eventually took me to a room that smelled a little like dogs and a little like plants that said something about the department of quarantine….something…where I was asked to sit on an old leather couch.  Occasionally people came in and out to watch parts of the baseball game that was on.  I spent most of the time responding to WhatsApp messages from Eric who seemed to be freaking out wondering where his dog was, but was actually just really really bored and/or jealous because he wasn’t playing super fancy airport person with me.  The long and short of it is that after about 40 minutes, I found out that Addie’s plane had come in early, but didn’t have a gate, so they had had to wait.  But the second they got to a gate, she was rushed straight to me, thanks to Jorge’s friend.  I still don’t know her name.  We were treated as total VIPs.  It was amazing.

Seeing Addie for the first time was so exciting, although I didn’t get to enjoy it for long because I was on Important Lady’s time and we were always in a hurry.  We took Addie out to the boys then went back upstairs to retrieve my passport.  Jorge then informed me that I was supposed to give this woman a big tip – I was thinking like a Southerner and wondering what kind of thank you note and gift were appropriate! – so I “slyly” handed her a good sum of money and thanked her profusely.  Had we not had her and Jorge, I have no idea how we would’ve managed to get Addie out of there.

Eric quickly got Addie to some grass, then allowed me to take a few pictures to show my parents that Addie had arrived safely.

She's here!

Then we headed HOME!  She took about 30 minutes to check out the apartment, to figure out all the many doors to the balcony and how that worked, and to catch up on her water consumption.

This morning I took her for a walk around 8:30 our time, and it was already pretty hot.  She was panting pretty hard when we got back.  I think we might need to get her hair cut so she can withstand the weather here!  At least there is plenty of cool floor for her to lay on.

And anyone who knows her will not be too surprised to hear that she immediately took to placing pieces of food all over the apartment.  She even has some carefully “hidden” in the carpet.  Perfect.

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A what? A Yaris? I’ve never even heard of that!

Yep!  We did it!  We bought a car!  In Panama.  Who’d’ve thunk?  On Tuesday I was saying that I didn’t know if we really even needed one.  By Tuesday night we were doing research on the Central American version of Craigslist (www.encuentra24.com).  By Wednesday at noon, we strolled downstairs to test drive this cute little Toyota Yaris.  Yes, Eric was brave enough to go out on the main street in front of our apartment in someone else’s car on his first attempt at driving in Panama traffic!  When we got back, we talked the guy down about $700 from what really was a pretty fair price to start with (fingers crossed that the engine doesn’t fall out of the car as I type this) compared to other Yarises from the same year and with similar mileage, shook hands, and agreed to make it happen!  Mind you, all of this was done in Spanish.

We went to our bank almost immediately to see if we could go ahead and get the car insurance policy set up and ready to go whenever we got the paperwork done.  Turns out, on this visit to the bank we were greeted by the woman who helped us to open our account with kisses and hugs, then we were ushered to the front of the line!  She gave us the debit card we’d been waiting on, then took us directly to the woman who handles car insurance.  After about 20-30 minutes with this other lovely woman, we were all set!  All we had to do was email her copies of scanned documents when the deal was done.  AMAZING!  How was that so easy!?

I’ll try to pare (pair?  pear?) down the details of the actual car/money transfer a bit, but when we left the seller, Alberto, that first day after seeing the car, we understood that the plan was to wire money directly into his account after all the paperwork was done and the car was officially mine.  I say mine rather than ours b/c Panama insurance companies give female drivers a 50% lower deductible than male drivers.  Easy decision as to whose name it was going into.  I wonder if all the crazy male taxi drivers screw up the stats or if women are just more cautious or what.  Either way, nice perk.

Turns out, Alberto thought the plan was for us to get a “cheque de gerencia,” a cashiers check, from a particular bank.  Of course, this made more sense b/c we could directly exchange the check for the paperwork, but we had already discussed doing it the other way.   Anyway, after a bunch of miscommunications and a lot of weirdness from someone who seemed in person to be a normal guy, we figured out the process.  For example, we had originally decided to meet on Thursday at noon to do the paperwork at the Municipio (municipal building, i guess, is the translation), but once he said he wanted the check instead of the transfer, we told him that we didn’t know how long it would take our Panamanian bank to actually acknowledge the transfer.  “But I thought wire transfers happened instantaneously?!”  I know.  But remember…Panama.

Anyway, after Bank of America called Eric and he confirmed that yes, he did in fact want a bunch of money sent to a random country for the first time ever, they sent it and our Panamanian bank received it immediately.  Amazing.  We got the check pretty quickly and were able to meet Alberto at 2:30 pm.  When I texted him to tell him we could be there at 2:30, he told me he had been there all day.  I apologized, asked if I had led him to believe that we would still be there at noon, but he said no, it wasn’t a problem, he lived very nearby and it just made sense.  I’m not sure how, but that’s what he said.  Um…okay.

That same afternoon, however, the owner of our apartment, Isabel, who I may have described to you as the Panamanian version of a 60-something lady from Buckhead in Atlanta or maybe Savannah or Charleston, but who Marianela, our Spanish teacher, simply refers to as “un Judeo,” – a Jew – was having some guys bring over a new dining room table for us.  Turns out this thing is a monstrosity.  It took four big guys to carry the glass tabletop, so Eric had to stay here to let them in rather than them just leaving it in the hall for us to bring in.  He later said that he had a pretty good conversation with one of the guys – in Spanish!  I’m so proud of his progress, even though he doesn’t see it.

The table.

The table.

The guys with the table.

The guys with the table.

That meant that I was on my own to go ensure that all the proper paperwork was done on a rather large purchase in a confusing government building in a foreign country where I know some of the language but where they speak VERY quickly and where the government workers love to mumble.  Jerks.

We had to go to two offices.  One gave you a piece of paper saying that you were transferring the car from one person to the other and the other printed a piece of paper saying that the car is now in the new owner’s name.  Kinda silly, but hey, that’s government everywhere.  We only made it to one office before the other closed.  No worries though, Alberto and his son (one of the few really good-looking folks I’ve seen since we got here, honestly) assured me that the important part had been done, that I officially owned the car, and that we’d come back the next day to finish up.  He handed me the keys, I handed him the check, and I got into my new (used) car!!!

It had been Eric’s plan to meet me once the table guys had left, but I finished up first, so that meant that I was going to have to drive home.  I was actually pretty excited.  I didn’t have to go too far.  I could actually see my building from the Municipio and vice versa, but I didn’t know exactly which streets were one way, how to get into our garage, or which parking spot was ours.  But I made it!  Completely without incident (incidence?).  Here’s my shot of my first drive.  Mom, stop it…I was at a red light and I didn’t even look when I hit the shutter button on my phone.  🙂

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I got it home safely and promptly took photos of it.  I wanted to wait to post this until we took it out in the sun so I could take better pictures, but I can’t wait.  It’s a big step for us down here.

So, as for the rest of the weirdness with Alberto, we decided to meet up at 8:15 the next morning to be ready for the office to open at 8:30.  In the meantime, I discovered that the transfer document said that my name was “Paris Julie Solms” because US passports list our last names on the top line and our first and middle on the next line.  Luckily that turned out not to be a big deal.  Anyway, at 6 am, I got a text (Whatsapp) from Alberto saying that he was already at the Municipio because the first office that we had to go back to to check about the order of my name opened at 7.  WHAT?  Exactly.  It made no sense.  I ignored it and tried to go back to sleep.  About an hour later he texted again (still over an hour before we were supposed to meet up) saying “Que bueno!” or “How great!” for no apparent reason.  I hadn’t responded to the first text.  It was completely out of nowhere.  Really weird.

Anyway, I got there around 8 or 8:15 and we finished the paperwork and all is well.  A few other interesting tidbits.  If you have WhatsApp, you might know that when you text someone, you can see their profile photo.  So when I first received a message from the person who I only knew as the owner of this Yaris that I was interested in, I thought it was a really beautiful young woman.  Needless to say, it was surprising to see this guy show up.  He then told me that he was a helicopter pilot and showed me a picture of the giant helicopter that he flew.  He also had all his gear in the backseat of the car.  He used to be in what was formerly the Army and the Air Force and has since combined into one military branch.  He now, if I understood him correctly, works for the Presidential administration in some way, again, as a helicopter pilot.  I wanted to ask more, but felt stupid that I wasn’t understanding him.  It was also 8:30 am, I didn’t feel well, and I just wanted to get the paperwork done.

So now I’m googling him to see what I can find out.  I do have his full name, after all, and the equivalent of his social security number – although those numbers are much less of a secret here.  He texted his to me so I could get the cashier’s check, for example.

Now for a few UNC matters:

In remembrance of the (I believe 7th?) anniversary of Eve Carson’s death, I wanted to post this.  I love this quote.  It very much embodies my feelings about Carolina.

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On Carolina/Dook game day, I believe that Eve would be with me in saying GO HEELS!!!  And, having not known her, I won’t bring her into this one, but GO TO HELL DOOK!

Thanks to Becca for sending me this photo, taken today at my beautiful Alma Mater:

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Here’s hoping my parents let me FaceTime with their TV tonight!