Pop quiz while you’re waiting for the conclusion to the maid story…

You’re in a restaurant and decide to excuse yourself and go to the restroom. There are two doors, one for men and one for women, you imagine, but which is which?

Which do you choose?

Eric and I independently decided that the mask must be for women and the nautical themed thing for men, but um…why?  Why these two things.  No tienen nada que ver uno con el otro.  They don’t have anything to do with one another.  Ah, crazy little Panamanian restaurant.

In other “Oh, Panama” news, I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday in Hospital Punta Pacífica.  It’s the really fancy hospital in the city, where all the rich people go (“The Jews!” as my Spanish teacher says), so you’d expect nothing but professionalism, right?  Well, I got into the elevator, and obviously they were refurbishing it or something.  I understand having to put down some cardboard on the floor, but I think I would’ve chosen a different box:

I would translate for you, but I think it is pretty clear.

I would translate for you, but I think it is pretty clear.

As far as new directly related to Diana, Michele, Kevin, Brandan, and a few others goes, they DO play volleyball here, albeit on a court that looks like a basketball court and where they usually play fútbol.  Hey, I’m trying guys.  Come down to visit and I’ll find something.  I’ll even pepper with you if I have to.  Wouldn’t that be worth the trip?  Lots of exercise from chasing the ball!

The "volleyball court"

The “volleyball court”

In other miscellaneous news, I was looking for squash the other day b/c we need to eat more veggies.  I was looking for, you know, little yellow bulbs with the long stem things, right?  Couldn’t find it anywhere.  I had just learned, or rather heard, the word in my Spanish lesson, but I couldn’t remember it, and I really didn’t want to cheat and look it up.  Finally I ran into this guy.  Squash:

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A giant piece (like a big piece of watermelon) of squash!  Weird.  We haven’t cooked it yet.  I’m sure it’ll be great.

Two other pieces of random news:

First, I made it down to our pool for a couple of minutes while Eric was still struggling away with his Spanish lesson, just in time for a larger, wrinkly viejo (old man – seems nicer in another language) to get in the pool for his exercise).  I just laid in the chair thanking God for our good fortune in being in such a beautiful place.  I took pictures.  I took the obligatory selfies, but they all came out horribly b/c I still look sickly.  I read a bit of the Panamanian version of Entertainment Weekly that I bought, but I’ve been reading it in voz alta (out loud) in order to practice my accent.  I also read it with a highlighter in hand (once a lawyer, always a lawyer), so I can highlight the words I don’t understand and go back to learn them later.  I can’t imagine what I would think if I saw someone reading the Enquirer with a highlighter.  I must look like an idiot.  Or maybe like some version of the girl in “Splash!” with Tom Hanks.  Does anyone remember that movie?  Love that movie, although it gave me false hope for learning a new language in 5 days just by watching TV.  Dirty.

If you blow up this picture, you can see our old building to the left of the center of the photo, to the right of our current building.  It appears to be touching our current building.  It's orange/peach.

If you blow up this picture, you can see our old building just behind the stairs coming out of the pool and the pool chairs, to the immediate right of the columns. It appears to be touching our current building. It’s orange/peach and white.

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The other random news is that Addie continues to suffer in Asheville at the hands of my parents.  She is forced to contend with wild beasts:

However, there is hope!  She recently had a moderately successful escape attempt!  She ran out into the snow a couple of nights ago into what I can only describe as Narnia:

I don't know...it's something about the lamppost and the snow...work with me on this one.

I don’t know…it’s something about the lamppost and the snow…work with me on this one.

…but she came home a mere 15 minutes later with “snow nose.”  She took three laps of water, then lay/laid/lied/sat down on her bed and slept for the rest of the day.  I can’t imagine what snow horrors must have befallen her.  I mean, pobrecita!

Luckily, we’ve been working with my parents, or rather, my parents have been working really hard to try to figure out the logistics of how to get her sent down to us.  I know all the steps, but I can’t help with any of them from here except for the bill-paying, which I’m sure will be appreciated.  Oh, and I’m trying to contact the airport doggie importer lady through our friend Jorge to see if we can get the inside scoop.  But that’s all another post.

Stay warm, Friends!  I hope you all have power!  We have been thinking of you and have loved seeing all of your sweet snow photos!  Oh!  I have to post one more thing.  On February 21 – so Saturday, I guess, at 10:08, I received this picture from my dear friend Becca.

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Not 30 minutes later, at 10:43 am on the same day, my friend Ali sent the following photo:

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Almost identical, right?  Meanwhile, my parents had sent these:

Apparently when it snows and you want to show someone far away that it snowed, you take a picture of your back deck.  Cracked me up.  It makes sense though.  I wouldn’t go any further than that, and you can always tell how many inches you got by measuring how much fell on the table on the back deck.  I love it.  Facebook was also covered with these pictures.

Keep ’em coming!  I love seeing them!  I know y’all are sick to death of the snow, but gosh, it makes for beautiful photos and great family/kid pics.  I’m so grateful for WhatsApp, FaceTime, Facebook, blogging, etc.  I don’t feel nearly as far from y’all as I thought I would, although I miss you all dearly!

Big trip to the big mall

*Written on Thursday, February 19.*
Yesterday was probably the most productive day I’ve had yet this year.  Carnival was over, so everything slowly opened back up around noon.  It was high time for Eric and I to schedule wifi installation, open a bank account, and buy some necessities for the new apartment like more dishes, towels, and kitchen supplies.  Although I still had/have not completely recovered, we had to make the trip to Albrook Mall, the biggest mall in Panama City, and in my mind, the world.  It’s huge.  See?
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Our new place is still just a few blocks from metro, so we hopped on and rode the few stops to the mall.  Luckily, the cable place was right in the middle of the food court – you know, right by the carousel – so it was easy to find and shockingly empty.  Within about 20 minutes of talking to a very nice woman and giving her a copy of our apartment lease (strange, right?), we had an appointment scheduled for the cable company to come out within 48 hours to install the Internets.  I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high for the actual installation to happen on time and go smoothly, but I was really grateful that the first step wasn’t painful.  Amazing.
We next went to the bank.  Now, as you know from older posts, this is not the first attempt at getting a bank account.  We researched this heavily before we left the US, and everyone told us it was nearly impossible to open an account as an Estadounidense (American…but as I might have mentioned before, some people down here don’t love us using that term b/c this whole hemisphere is full of “Americans”!  North Americans, Central Americans, South Americans…why does the USA get to claim it?  We don’t have another word for it in English though, do we?).  Eric boldly tried a few different banks while I was sick and worked really hard to overcome the language barrier.  Unfortunately, each bank has a slightly different set of requirements for opening an account, and he was never able to make it happen.  I can’t tell you how proud I was of him for trying without me, but as he said, it needed to be done and I was too sick to make it happen.  You do what you have to do.
So this time we were trying a bank that has several more convenient locations – both of ATMs and branches – than did the banks we’d been told to try.  We walked in and it was a complete madhouse.  Maybe 40 customers in a tiny location.  The line system was not immediately discernible, other than for the main counter.  After asking the security guard where to go, we stood in line by an empty desk for several minutes waiting for someone to appear to help us.  Eventually Eric’s passport info was taken and we were told to have a seat…when one became available.  By this time, I was feeling a little weak and my still-water logged cankles needed relief, so Eric was gracious in staking out and giving me a seat.
We were asked to fill out an application while we waited, and in doing so we gave them home (US and Panamá) and work addresses, personal and bank references, passport info, marital status, eye color (well, maybe not that), and every phone number we’ve ever had.  We had also finally come prepared with the appropriate reference letters – one from Bank of America saying that Eric has been a customer for over 3 years, listing the date he opened his account and balances from several dates, and the other from Red Hat (Eric’s work) saying that he was receiving steady income.
After another 45 min or so of waiting and boxing out when a new old lady would come in and try to skip ahead of us in “line,” we were finally called to a desk to speak to a bank employee.  She had to call Bank of America to verify that the letter we had was legit.  She asked for Eric’s passport, driver’s license, and debit card from BoA.  She asked for his former employer.  She asked for two references in the US, but for some reason only wanted the phone number of one and the address of the other.  She asked for two references in Panamá.  She asked for his beneficiary.  She asked how we decided to move to Panama and when we first visited the country.  Social security number, pants size, favorite color, and on and on.  In short, if you are reading this, Banistmo bank of Panamá probably knows you and your family, and may have custody of your first born.  Sorry about that.  We really needed to open this account.
The good news is that after two hours of figuring out the waiting system, waiting, filling out paperwork, and generally trying to convince this woman that we had more than $500 to our names, we had a bank account!  No waiting for weeks as we had been told we would have to do.  We made a deposit – with a US check, no less – and our account was ready to go!  I can’t tell you how exciting it was.
I was exhausted when we left the bank, but since we’d been sitting for most of that time, I still had some energy left to shop for new apartment necessities.  We managed to find a set of dishes, silverware, spatula (which is surprisingly hard to find down here!  We can’t figure that one out.  How do they flip pancakes?  What do they do about scrambled eggs?!), hot pads, glasses, hand towels, and measuring cups all in one store.  It was at that point we decided that a cab ride was in order.  Once the lady put nearly all of the heavy things mentioned above in one bag and handed it to Eric, we decided metro was no longer a feasible option.
The cab ride home was worth the cost.  We haggled a bit with the very old man driver (I wanted to use the word octogenarian b/c it’s a great word, but would’ve call myself pretentious for using it) who couldn’t talk – an interesting ordeal in and of itself – then hopped in.  This guy was perhaps the best cab driver I’ve had since I’ve been here.  He was hilarious.  Again, he had no voice, for one reason or another, but he was very animated and clearly enjoyed what he did.  About halfway home, we came to a point where the left turn is blocked, and you are supposed to go down the road a ways, do a U-turn, then make the right hand turn.  He was not having any of this.  He stopped short of the blocked off part of the road and floored it around the barrier.  It was a great move, and he knew it!  He made this hand signal that was part snap and part shaking off his hand like it was wet***…hard to describe, but just precious…and cracked up.  He was so proud of himself!  He then made a bunch of hand motions indicating that he would have had to go all the way around, but he totally pulled off cheating the system.  So cute.
We were just a few blocks from home when the cab slowed.  I looked around, positive that he couldn’t be slowing to let another car out in front of him b/c that just plain doesn’t happen here, but couldn’t figure out what he was doing.  Suddenly, he did the snapping motion again, laughed, and sped up.  After he let us out, Eric explained to me that he had been checking out a lady on the sidewalk!  Too funny.
All in all, a very successful trip.  Hardly any Panama-isms had befallen us and slowed us down; we had actually accomplished that which we had set out to do!  Incredible.
***Eric just came into the room and explained to me that a better way to describe the hand motion was part snap and part what you do to pack a can of dip or chew.  Wow.  So proud of that boy.  Then again, I’m guessing that at least half of you completely understand the motion now.

Hospital tour, a missing bank, apartment hunting, and drinking with missionaries

Hospital Tour and Missing Bank

On Wednesday, 1/14, or 14/1 as these crazy folks like to say, we had a tour of the fanciest hospital in town, Hospital Punta Pacifica.  It’s affiliated with Johns Hopkins and is up in the part of town that I described in the last post with all the fancy condos.  It was interesting.  Half of the hospital was what you would think of as a normal hospital, and the other half was a one stop shop for all of your other doctors’ offices.  Pretty good idea, actually.  You can find a primary care doctor, an optometrist, a neurologist, and a psychiatrist all on the same hall.  Not bad.

Right in the center though, was a row of kiosks with representatives from various medical insurance companies hawking their plans.  Very strange.

So the tour was interesting to me in that our guide took us ALL over the hospital.  Want to see the intensive care unit?  Let’s just walk right in.  Emergency room?  Hey, this guy looks like he’s in pain!  The room where they resuscitate people (do we have a word for this in English?  I couldn’t come up with one.  It’s like a room full of crash cart stuff.)?  Sure…come on in.  No warning not to touch stuff…no problem.  Eek.

Eric walked out thinking it was exactly like an American hospital, only not crowded.  There were empty beds, no one was in a rush, there didn’t seem to be a lot of people waiting in the ER.  Some of the accommodations were nice.  You could have your own suite if you wanted to pay $400/night with an extra room with couches for your family members.  I think I just still have this idea stuck in my head that American medicine is best and nothing else can measure up.  Very Ameri-centric thinking, I guess you’d say?  Something akin to racism, but maybe more like nationalism…only not in the real meaning of the word.  Anyway, I’m not to the point of saying that I’d be perfectly comfortable sending a friend’s baby with a congenital heart defect to Punta Pacífica rather than to my sister, but maybe I’m more biased than most.

After the hospital tour, we set out on what should have been a 16 minute walk (in 95 degree heat) to, not the mall right next to the hospital, but the other mall right next to the other hospital.  There was supposed to be a bank in that mall, and I was going to try my hand at getting us a bank account.  Or I was at least going to see if they were willing to deal with Americans.  I’ve been really nervous about this because it seems a little important.  Apparently we need to have access to money down here in order to get by.  Long story short, the walk did not take 16 minutes, my delicate self had to stop for an emergency limón sorbet in the middle of the trek so I wouldn’t fall out, there was no bank, and we decided to call it and walk home.  Why we walked home, I can’t remember.  Here’s a picture from the walk:

On our long HOT walk back from our hospital tour and search for the non-existant bank.

On our long HOT walk back from our hospital tour and search for the non-existent bank.

I don’t know why we were smiling because we hadn’t accomplished anything and it was miserable.  When we got home, we crushed a few glasses of water, then closed ourselves in Eric’s office/the guest room, turned on the a/c in there, and I fell asleep for a few hours out of pure exhaustion from the heat.

Apartment Hunting

Yesterday we checked out an apartment in a fancy building about 5 blocks down towards the old city.  I was excited about this one because it’s a newer building, it’s in the part of town where we want to be, and Eric was actually going to get to come with me to see it.  So you can imagine how excited he was when we walked into the lobby and saw this:

Silly purple lobby of the fancy building we looked at yesterday (15/1)

Silly purple lobby of the fancy building we looked at yesterday (15/1)

I thought it was awesome.  Completely over the top and ridiculous, but really?  How often do you get to live in a place like this?  And it’s just the lobby.  It’s not like this is your living room.  I love it.

The building was fancy – 65 floors, 3 or 4 years old, 3 “social areas,” a gym, an indoor lap pool, a sauna – b/c who doesn’t want to go sit in a hot room after spending a day outside in Panama? – a turkish bath, 2 pools, one of which is just for adults and is on the top floor:

The pool on the 65th floor of this incredible apartment building.  Too bad the layout of the apartment just didn't make sense b/c the building was amazing!  Even had an indoor lap pool...you know, where the water moves and you stay in one place!

The pool on the 65th floor of this incredible apartment building. Too bad the layout of the apartment just didn’t make sense b/c the building was amazing! Even had an indoor lap pool…you know, where the water moves and you stay in one place!

Here’s the view from the top of the building.  I can never quite get the panoramic photos to turn out right using my phone, but you get the idea.

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So everything was great…except for the apartment.  Lovely, but there were no windows in either bedroom.  The guest bedroom was tiny and you’d have to use the a/c all the time.  And that’s just not an option when full time a/c would cost $800/month.  The master had a door to the balcony, but not a window that you could just leave open all the time.  In a weird way, we’re getting spoiled in our little old apartment here because there are wonderful cross-breezes.  We’re not going to get that in a giant building.  Anyway, we passed on that apartment.

Bichos and Dinner with New Friends

Last night, right before we left for dinner, I was sitting on our bed looking for jobs online.  We have been trying to figure out how this whole thing works.  You have your windows open in the evenings for the breeze because you don’t want to have to pay for a/c yet, but you don’t want to turn on the lights because that would attract bugs.  For the first several nights, we sat mostly in the dark and only turned on lights for brief moments when we had to.  From our window, it looks like most of the other apartments are dark early too.  Is this just what people do?  It seems silly.

Anyway, I had the light from my computer last night, so I was fine.  I saw a bug fly at my computer, and figured that was to be expected.  Then a few moments later, I saw another.  Then one crawled on my hand.  Then one seemed to crawl under my screen and down between the screen and the keyboard.  I started to wonder how many of these things there were.  I turned on the light and these things were EVERYWHERE.  All over my computer, possibly crawling inside it, all over our bed, on the pillows, on the sheets, on the bedspread, on the floor.  Eric called them ants at first, but they would fly in, land, immediately lose their wings, then start crawling along like tiny inch worms.  Disgusting.  Still have no idea what they were.  We managed to shake out the sheets and kill the ones on the floor and grab a bunch in Kleenexes off the pillows and bedspread.  I shook the pillows out the window a few times…a bit obsessively because, you know, there were tiny flying worms in my bed.

And then we were just supposed to go to dinner.  So we did.  Because…Panama.  I did, however, take a minute to email the owner of the apartment to say, hey, this happened and it was gross…is it normal?  What are they?  How do you kill them?  Will this happen again?  I don’t know what I expect her to do about it, but I like to tell her when something is disgusting here, and I think that counts.

So anyway, after the flying worm invasion, we met up with the missionary couple from South Carolina, Michael and Tricia, that we met at church on Sunday.  You know, the ONLY other people who were there besides the pastor and his wife?  They invited us to dinner, so we met them in El Cangrejo on a happenin’ street called Via Argentina.  That is the place to be on a Friday or Saturday night.  Or a Thursday, apparently.  It’s pretty much all bars and restaurants, and a ton of people were out last night.  We picked a place that had all kinds of food, and we found out that it’s open 24 hours a day.  Excellent.

We had heard that Panamanians aren’t fantastic at customer service, and this was our first good example of that.  Our waitress was completely annoyed with the idea of having to, well, do her job.  She rolled her eyes when my menu was slightly in the way of her putting my drink down, she refused to try to understand my spanish, even when I was just saying “Sí” to agree with what she was saying, and she never smiled.  The best part was that when she handed Eric the bill at the end of the meal, SHE had already written in the tip for herself!  It’s not like it was a standard printed 10% or whatever.  She had decided that we were going to give her a certain amount.  Is that a thing?  Can you even do that?!  Well, she did.

We had a great time with Michael and Tricia Lee though.  We heard the story of how they got into missionary work, about their kids and two one year-old grandkids, as well as their one year in Costa Rica for language school and 3 years in Mexico.  And it turns out, my Aunt Angela in Georgia is friends with a lady who is “VERY good friends” with the Lees.  Small world.

After dinner we walked down the street to La Rana Dorada, the Golden Frog, and tried out their craft beers.  We talked for another hour or so, then headed towards metro, just in time to find out that it closes at 10.  We could’ve walked home, but it would’ve taken a while and it was the witching hour for the huecos de muerte, so we cabbed it home.

Today I really need to make it to a bank, if they’ll stop hiding from me, and then I’m going to see another apartment.  I found one online, then right after I made an appointment to see it, the realtor that I’ve been working with sent me pictures of the exact same apartment.  Oops.  I felt like I was cheating on her.  I tried the whole just tell the truth thing, and she insisted that I cancel with the other lady and let her make an appointment.  That’s what I did, but now I’m regretting it.  It’s just that the original realtor has done so much for me already…I guess that’s how they get you.  Oh well.  Guess I burned my first Panamanian bridge.  This is the first apartment in the building that I’ve really been wanting to see, so I’m excited.

Oh, and in case anyone is wondering about our doggies, they’re doing just fine.  In fact, I think they are enjoying “camp” more than they like being with us.

Addie at camp.  Looks like a rough life.  What is that?  3 blankets?

Addie at camp. Looks like a rough life. What is that? 3 blankets?

Rylee, our 6 year old niece, used her new sewing machine to make a pillow for CB.  She even tried it out for him before she gave it to him.  He looks thrilled with it.  So sweet.  I think our puppies are doing okay.

Rylee, our 6 year old niece, used her new sewing machine to make a pillow for CB. She even tried it out for him before she gave it to him. He looks thrilled with it. So sweet. I think our puppies are doing okay.

I’ll leave you with a couple of pics of our apartment.  One of our living room and one of Eric’s office/our guest room.  Only a couple more weeks before we’ll have our first guest!

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