We’re down to less than two weeks before we set out on our cross-country trip from Raleigh to San Diego…with two dogs in tow. The reality is starting to set in. I did some research today – i.e. I googled some stuff. “Healthy snacks for road trips,” “road trip games for adults,” and “how to survive a cross-country trip with your spouse” are three of the topics I covered. I’m not the only one who has needed such advice.

I must say, the most amazing thing I read all day was about a car game that I had never heard of. It’s called “Holler when you see a cow!” Here are the rules:

1. When you see a cow on your side of the road, you have to yell, “Cows on my side!”
2. Every time you call a cow, you get a point
3. If you see cows on the other side you say, “Cows on your side!”
4. If you call, “Cows on your side,” before the person sees them, you steal a point
5. If anyone sees a cemetery they scream, “Ghost cow,” stealing all the other side’s points

Excellent, huh? First off, the existence of this game reminded me how extremely boring car trips can be. I’ve ridden (not driven) from NC to CO before, and I remember that everything my friend said was extremely funny…because we were just SO BORED. Oddly, this too was cow related. I distinctly remember the phrase “put a cow on your head” being yelled over and over. Give me a break, we were 13.

But also, I got excited at the idea of screaming “ghost cow!!” at Eric everytime I see a cemetery for a 10 day period. Or, let’s get real, for life. Things like this tend to stick with us, for better or worse.

Regarding road trip snacks, I have all the aspirations of probably anyone else out there…I’m SURE we can eat semi-healthily along the way. Ten days is no small period of time when you’re talking about changing your eating habits, and I’m really hoping we can avoid getting hangry and desperate for food, then having to make an emergency stop for greasy food. We’ll take a cooler and I’ll plan to shove apple slices and dried chickpeas into both of our faces. Stay tuned for how well that works out.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but Eric and I really don’t love to drive. And we really don’t love to drive together. We have very different navigational styles, for starters. When Eric’s driving and needs directions, I go to Google Maps, type in our destination, then I let Google tell us how to get there. However, every time I use this method, Eric immediately asks me whether the route makes sense. Most of the time, I don’t even have a general idea of where we are going. If we’re heading to North Raleigh, Eric instantly knows that 70 or Six Forks or a quick loop around 440 will get us heading in that direction. I, however, do not live in my own hometown, as he does, so it takes me some time to work these things out. Not particularly helpful when Eric is sitting at an intersection, waiting for directions. Thus, my let-google-lead-the-way method.

You can imagine how much fun this is when we hit traffic and Eric asks for an alternate route.

The solution, you might say, is for me to drive more often and let Eric navigate. But I am apparently what one might call an aggressive driver. I get upset. I always go for the lane with less cars between me and the stoplight, whether or not I’m in a hurry. My idea of an appropriate following distance is, shall we say, a tad shorter than is Eric’s.

You might be tempted to call me the weak link in all of this. “You have a terrible sense of direction, no patience for other drivers, and generally, would rather be napping than driving!” you might say. I might agree with you. This doesn’t change the facts. Eric is SOL. Say a prayer for him, will ya?

*The map above is not our exact route, but it’s pretty darn close and I didn’t feel like creating my own graphic right now. From the western border of Texas, we’ll head to Tucson, AZ, then to San Diego.

**Also, I have no idea why this entire post insisted on being italicized. I have tried to correct it. It didn’t work. WordPress strikes again!