Asides

Aside

*A note on viewing photos

I’ve been told that if you are one of the folks who receives an email when I post something and you click on the link within the email, you may not see the main photo on the post.  If you go to www.frompariswithlove.org instead, the photo will show up.  I’m not sure why.

Also, sometimes the main photo, like this last one of my face, end up being huge.  I’ve tried editing them and changing sizes and everything.  Sometimes it works, like with one of the maid pictures, but of course for the big pictures of Eric’s head or my face, they demand to remain HUGE.  Sorry ’bout that.  I considered for a minute putting the picture through one of those programs that softens out wrinkles and makes your complexion look perfect, but you know what?  I want plus-sized (aka NORMAL!) models.  I want regular people in movies and magazines.  I want my kids to feel like they don’t have to starve themselves to be pretty.  I don’t want to feel like i have to buy $100 cream to get rid of smile lines that I’ve earned by laughing with my friends and my husband.  So there you go.  A giant picture of my face, with all it’s “flaws” or, if you like, all the marks of the wonderful experiences of my life.

Aside

Health clarification

**Sorry if the next few posts are a little off chronologically.  We haven’t had wifi in the new apartment until just now, but I’ve still been writing, so these are being posted a few days after they actually happened.  Holler if something needs clarification.

Apparently I wasn’t very clear about why I was in the hospital or what’s been going on health-wise because I got a number of really sweet emails and WhatsApp messages asking if I was okay.   Thank you!  The short of it is that I managed to get some kind of drug-resistant bacteria that wreaked havoc on my GI system.  I got super dehydrated and went to the ER twice for fluids and meds.  When that didn’t work, I was admitted to the hospital for five days while they ran a number of unpleasant tests and pumped me full of saline to the point where I gained about 10 pounds of water weight.  Blew up like a balloon.  Most bizarre thing I’ve ever experienced.  Eric has enjoyed pressing his thumb into my cankles to make dents in them…in the most loving way possible, of course.

We got home from the hospital last Sunday afternoon, February 15, and we were scheduled to be kicked out of that apartment the following day.  Eric packed up the whole place by himself, made countless trips back and forth to the new place – all on foot, mind you – moving all of our stuff including 4 huge suitcases, 2 carry-ons, all of our food, and a million random things that we had accumulated over the past 5.5 weeks.  It was all I could do to roll over on the couch to try to get comfortable.

The following morning, he ushered me to the new place in 90 degree heat.  I used all of my energy just walking those few blocks rolling a carry on bag.  In short, I have no idea what I would do without him.  I can’t begin to count the number of trips he’s taken to the pharmacy, the grocery store, back and forth between the hospital and the new house, to the bank to try to open an account without knowing enough Spanish to really do so, to the power company to try to finagle a way to get power in the new place before Carnival started on the 14th and everything shut down.  Not only that, but he slept in my hospital room every night on an uncomfortable cot, calmed me when my anxiety took over, and did a million other things like handing me water so I could take my pills and getting gatorade from the pharmacy because the smell of Panama water was making me nauseous.

Luckily, I’ve had a doctor who has made himself available nearly 24-7 via cell phone and text (WhatsApp).  A huge comfort.  And since we moved into our new place, I’ve been recovering well.  I still have a ways to go before I can eat everything that I want to or take a long walk, but I’m MUCH more comfortable, I feel at home in our new place, and I am well on the road to feeling better.

Again, thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Aside

The Loss of Biski (CB)

Some of you have heard, but for those who have not, we lost CB on Valentine’s Day. It was very hard to have a very sick doggie so far away from us, and to feel like we had abandoned him when he needed us most. We looked up plane tickets home when we heard about his lymphoma (the second cancer), but decided, perhaps selfishly, that it would be too hard to go home just to wait for him to pass. I can say that I would not have made the trip back down here had we decided to go home. At that part of our stay here, it would have been way to easy to give up.

At any rate, Eric’s parents, Ed and Susan, have been absolutely amazing as we have dealt with all of Biski’s health issues. They tended to his every need, including cooking chicken and other foods for him when he wouldn’t eat, taking him in for chemo and other vet appointments, and walking him more than we ever did. We had no doubt that he was happier and better cared for there than he would have been at our old house on Elm Street, and that made the decision to stay here easier. Of course, I was, and still am, dealing with feeling like he would have wanted us there, his family.

In the end though, it was clear that his time had come. He didn’t suffer for long, as the lymphoma acted very quickly. On his last night, we skyped with him from the hospital and said teary goodbyes. He was still able to walk and didn’t look like he was in pain. The following day, Eric got word that he had passed, and carefully chose the right time to tell me, between my constant visits from doctors and nurses. Neither of us had any spare ability to emotionally deal with his death yet, and I am just now allowing myself to think about it as I write this. I had to get healthier before I could even allow the thoughts to enter my mind.

I mostly just wanted to let you all know what has happened and to thank you for all of our support since he’s been sick. I especially want to thank Bethany, his vet and our dear friend, for the amazing amount of time and love she put into his care…and ours. Her clinic sent flowers to Eric’s parents house yesterday, and it was really a special gesture. We miss our big bouncy dog and our little family will never be the same…but there are plenty of people who know and understand that, and we can’t tell you how much we appreciate all of your support.

Again, I don’t know how Eric feels, but I respectfully ask that you not send your condolences to me. I’m just not able to process it yet, being here in a whole different world, and I think reminders are too hard for me right now. Trust me, I know that you all love us and are so sorry. We feel very loved and supported.

More uplifting post to come soon.  We just moved into a new apartment and don’t yet have wifi.  As soon as we do, I have a post about the apartment and lots of new photos to share.